The best weekend this year

Location: Impiana KLCC Hotel, Room 1021
Mood: Blessed
Sights and sounds: Sound of some jap boys moaning from Steven's PC :P

The bare fact is, there is no standard method of doing this. It is always the little things that happened between the two of us which makes our relationship so special.

The number of events that I've experienced, unhappy ones have forced me to have a different point of view in many things, relationship included of course. Well back to my story, I must say it is a bless for me that someone out there actually cares so much for me and really cheered me up entirely, after so many things I've gone through.

I quite like the way as we progressed to this point, which is not the typical 'meet and fuck' type, but rather it's pretty slow-paced, hmm perhaps we are separated geographically :)

I remember there's no phone calls between us for the first year, not to mention meeting up in person a few weeks after we finally chat on the phone. I have totally no idea how we managed to stay in contact with just an occasional " Hi there" message on MSN.

So, we finally met last weekend and I shall never forget the experiences we had and I'd never want to go back to that occasional " Hi There" friend on MSN. Thanks Jeff ! You've made my life at this stage!

10 Days vs. 4 Years

It's been more than 24 hours since I last logged in my blog and check it out.

Today Simon ran a google search on my name "caseyfoo" (don't knw for what reason) and found my blog's url on the first entry. I find it, in a way, kinda cool though..haha

Well, it's been a long day yesterday, woke up at 6:30 and finished my classes at 5:30, went for a hair cut, loitered ard the city and later went to my sis' school's performance. "Malam Sinar Gemilang 2007" at Hotel Istana, KL.

Although it is one of the lousiest hotel still in existance, and the worst food ever served in a so called "gala" style dinner, the performances by various artiste were good enough for a primary school's annual dinner event. i enjoyed most with Khatijah Ibrahim's show and the last time I saw her performing was on the same event, 4 years ago.

4 years! wow time really flies and all I can say is i'm a totally different person after 4 years...
Although I said I've changed alot over the past 4 years, that doesn't mean it takes 4 years to change a person's mind and mentality. After all, how many 4 years can we afford to waste??

As all of my previous posts ever mentioned, the list of events that happened recently has, nevertheless, changed my perception and views in certain things and in another way, I should even be thankful for these events to occur now rather than later so that I'm a better person right now.

If you've read my previous posts, recently i had a conflict with another person and our stands have been changing over the time. (i.e.. I was supposed to get angry 1st but later on i did something that turns out to have pissed him off)

I'm glad he'd forgiven me, in a way, but he still need time to get over it. But anyway, I think this issue should come to an end and b resolved and I'm really grateful it is finally not bothering me anymore. 所謂 經一事；長一智.... I really hope we can still be friends and we could put this issue away as far as possible. huGs.

Overdone it...not pretty

誰人無得到一切的渴求

誰人無攻於心計的理由

平凡人生

天真過後要怎麼走

記得曾經看過一部劇集記得這首主題曲的歌詞..


原來最痛苦並不是受傷.... 最近在很短的時間內發生了太多事, 差點連我自己都要”跟不上了”.

之前以為全都是他人的錯, 都是他人對不起我, 是他人欠了我似的.

不過現在想起來; 其實我真的沒必要把事情稿得那麼難堪.....當初我承認我有要示威的念頭, 想要他知道我有多失望. 直到那天他跟我說他看了我另一個網誌的時候, 我才發覺自己也過了點兒火.

其實我也知道他跟他另一半也有很多煩惱, 說明是 long distance relationship. 我還曾用過這一點來批評他. 現在想起來, 我真的後悔了.

原本我們還可以成為buddies, 不過經過這件事後, 我感覺到他已經改變主意了. 我真的很討厭自己為什麼當初不能夠退一步, 冷靜下來才行動.

之前還以為被人拒絕的感受就是最痛苦了; 怎麼知到現在情況仿佛180度改變, 讓我覺得慚愧,愧疚, 才是最要命的!

也許他說得沒錯, 我真的很幼稚, but i've never admitted it. Now that i admit it and i'm truely feeling regretful. Sorry, please forgive me.

Fake Love? Illusion? Love Fantasy? It's all over the next morning?

"After all what I can feel is the fake love that i am always having will be disappeared when the next morning i wake up. FAKE LOVE!!"


It is hard to believe what love can do to a person, no matter how well we do in life, or how advanced we once called ourselves during the last job interview to the HR personnel not long ago.

Recently, I've got a reply (a not so direct reply) on another separate blog of his as a response to my previous post. What can I say? Long distance relationship is indeed, romantic. I'd not go against it, but doesn't mean I agree to it. It is their choice afterall.

At the same time, it is difficult to admit that any side tends to loose their patience after a period of time and will opt for some "local affairs" while their partner is away; while maintaining the long distance relationship and keeping it as a secret until when he feels his "local affair" start falling to him, and to avoid any trouble or being noticed from his "god" overseas when he comes back; so he finally reveals the hidden truth to his "local affair".



"Although I enjoyed the feeling being liked and chased by someone but sometimes when i was just over doing it, i would just hurt the one's heart whom likes me."

(Glad you notice that)

Is that a cheat? well, an irresponsible jerk will conveniently say "He (local affair)'s not even attached to me yet, how can he say i cheated on him?"

In our particular community, the circle is small enough that you can easily bump into your ex's ex or whichever relationships that you once classified them as "randomly picked, nobody knows online buddy".

Lastly, if you ask me if this is an irresponsible, hurting act, the answer is definite yes, no matter how many times you tried to explain or use beautiful expressions to run around the bushes, it will still kill one person deeply. So, this "predator" (haha it's abit of a harsh word to say but, hmm..nevermind ;-) ) is still "on the loose" and from deep of my heart i urge Dsy to stop creating fake illusions to people who gave hope on you (I just discovered there's more than one person).

Tell them and give a clear picture at the very beginning because human beings are not designed to suffer such painful truth due to your lack of patience or frustrations to your long distance partner. Good luck!



"Selfish? I don't think so.For me, as long as I can see people smile the next morning when you wake up, then i will be as happy as them.
Posted by -<classified>- at 7:53 AM 0 comments "

When emotions meet reality, or affinity; perhaps?

Lately, there’s been many things going on in my life. Happy ones, sad ones. Well I guess I should start with sad ones as it’s been a tradition for human beings to remember sad events better than happy ones when they’re down, just like me.

Why do people write blog? Are they trying to let someone know how they feel and want attention? Well in my case, I’d really wanna share my problems, how I’ve been through it and what is the solution.

Well back to the topic. I’ve been seeing seeing DSy lately, (sorry this person’s identity is kept confidential so that this person wouldn’t be punched after you’ve heard my story) as I have mentioned in my previous posts. (The Experience Part 1). At first when I first met DSy, I really didn’t think much about the feelings I’m gonna have with him as time pasts. I took it easily and treated DSy casually and DSy’s the one who text me every morning, called me and say hello, wish me have a good day, sleep tight kinda messages and some of the sweetest memories I had in my life, that a person, which is not my family member had ever gave me.

For certain reason, my previous concept of meeting DSy for a casual session slowly turn into something else, something that I wouldn’t imagine I’d cling into at this early stage of my life; that is, to fall for DSy. After meeting DSy again and again, slowly DSy became essential as part of my daily life. For instance, I will feel that something’s missing when DSy didn’t call last night, feel empty when there isn’t a “New Message, DSy, Read Now?” sign on my cell on the way to college. Stuffs like that. Then when DSy finally called or sent me a text, it feels like a rush of penicillin immediately penetrates through my body and I feel great for the rest of the day.

This lasted for a couple of weeks when I finally feel that I should let DSy know what am I feeling. I wanted more, I wanted to do more things with DSy, I’ve been to DSy’s place overnight, cleaned DSy’s new house together, bathed together and all these memories are truly unforgettable. For that moment I feel secured and belonged to DSy. I’ve tried a couple of ways to let him know what I felt about him and how far I wish we could go together. DSy seemed to get my message and even tell me not to fall for DSy because DSy is not ready for a new relationship yet, as he barely has time for DSyself and wouldn’t wanna bear the pain again after his last breakup, but he said he likes me and will treat me as good as he did before.

I didn’t really feel bad about it and in fact I think he needs more time to think about it so I pretended that I was totally comfortable with this situation, which is, continuingly seeing him and put on hope on him.

This continues for a few more weeks. (He’s still treating me good, very sweet, love it)

Since I was busy, I didn’t see him for more than 2 weeks and one day he asked me to meet him on Monday after classes for movies at MV. At that time I was really happy and quickly agreed, despite having to skip my UPC class which supposed to end at 1230 but the movie was 1200. Everything went perfect. I hold his hands in the cinema, since it is a chilly movie, sometimes I even grabbed his arms and he hold my hands as a sign of assurance. (I really loved that feeling). After that, I sneaked into his gym and did some workouts together. We chat about the usual events happening in the gym, which guy is always showing off and stuffs like that. Then we went to the steam and bathed together.

Before he dropped me at a LRT station, he kissed me again and asked me to text him when I got home. At that time, I was feeling so great, so relieved, so satisfied that I think I’m going to have a good night’s sleep tonight after all those late nights with my assignments.

But then, at around 10 when I saw him online, we started recalling what we just did and he realizes I was truly enjoying my moments with him and he likes to see me smile, something that he told me during the early periods of our first meetings. But suddenly, out of nowhere he asked me something like this: “(my name), there’s something I wanna tell you. Do you wanna hear?” Immediately I sense this is not going to be pretty but I let him go on.

The below conversation on MSN changed my mood of the day and certain prospects in life to be changed forever.

“I’m single but unavailable. I wish to tell you I’m having a long-distance relationship with a guy, he’s in Australia; we are in a messy situation though, we only see each other for less than 3 months in a year.”

I responded : “So, all these while what you have been doing was a cover-up for your messy, long-distance relationship?”

DSy responded: Yes (It nearly killed me)

I remembered that was the longest night I've ever experienced ever since certain events that I do not remember ages ago. I hate to say that i'm truely hurt this time.

It's been a painful experience that right now I think everyone will experience atleast once in their life. I can just pray it would never happen to me again.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

National Service Gathering Nov' 07

It's been almost 8 months since I last met some of my NS (National Service) buddies. Well these are some of the shots taken during the 6 hour meet-up at Sungei Wang Plaza+Starhill Gallery+Pavilion

Above
Top to bottom: SaiYuen, M, Xiao Bao, Hui Ling, Chia, Ruyin, me
Same Above plus "Junn"

" How are you? long time no see"

This will probably be the most common words said once me meet each other, especially those who I haven't seen eversince we left the camp in Port Dickson on March 11 this year.

The NS program has always had different comments on it's implimentation, whether it is good or bad, I think it is designed with a good intention for the name of unity of our nation among youngsters, especially high school leavers; but I always pretty much felt reserved for it's operation during the 3 month long training period.

For instance, as a city-kid, being literally forced into the camp, away from home, right after my trip from Japan, uncertained about my future studies plus worried about the SPM results; the last thing you wish to happen to you is to fall sick, which I've never felt "perfectly healthy" during the entire training period due to the selections of food (which is all spicy, chili related stuffs, all day-and night)

Alright let's get back to the gathering thingy. Well we went to Karaoke at Sungei Wang Plaza, although i don't really sing,seriously, but it's the time we spent together that counts. Gary was seen singing non stop and I don't think his mic ever left his hands, except to the washroom, which he hardly went. haha

After that, we were supposed to checkout the Jackie Chan cafe at starhill gallery, just blocks away from where we were, but to my surprise, the so called cafe only consists of one bar table, pretty big one infront of the lift lobby on Muse floor and a few tables and chairs, max for 4 per table, not joinable ones along the corridor on this top floor of the mall. We were immediately disappointed with the setting as we came in a group of 10 and obviously we wouldn't wanna sit in seperate tables in an event of a gathering...

So, we decided to head for pavilion to look for a place to sit, have drinks and chit chat. We found Zen cafe opposite Times bookstore and spent a whopping 160+ for some drinks and cakes. haha..there we took lots of pics as the cafe was quite empty and we are able to make lots of noises like what I once were in my early high school days..gosh i'm feeling young again! LOL

Here are some pics we took:

Lee san the hmm...outstanding gurl

Xiao Bao my all time buddy

Hui Ying with her empty almond drink

YB's portrait...lol

Ru Yin (quite fierce at times during training) and me

Oyeah i almost forgot..met a new friend. Above: Me and Junn If i spelled his name correctly.